Master Flumph (3.5e Monster)

''Why it's just your average flumph, looking much like a flying albino pancake with tentacles, spikes on its underbelly, and eyestalks. This one wears a crown for some reason. Perfectly harmless, I'm sure.''

The Master Flumph is tired of all these dang adventurers making fun of them. Flumphs are proud to be CR 2, because they know somewhere the Master Flumph waits. Chuck Norris jokes were originally jokes about the Master Flumph. They changed the name so not to draw the master flumph's attention. Because it will find you.

It will find you.

Combat
There is no combating a master flumph. There is only the master flumph deciding how soon to put you out of your misery. Flumphs are the most feared of all monsters.

Acid : When the master flumph hits with its spikes, it injects an acid so potent it burns away reality itself. It deals 1 point of acid per HD it possesses, and the acid damage ignores resistance. Creatures immune to acid instead take half acid damage.

AT Field : Flumphs are the most terrifying creatures on the planet. They are so terrifying attacks veer away from them lest the very concept of an attack be obliterated. The master flumph gains its HD as a deflection bonus to AC.

Rocks Fall Everybody Dies : Every 1d4 rounds as a swift action, a master flumph may rain meteors down from the heavens, causing an explosion centered on a target or point in space that deals 9001d6 damage in a 120 ft. radius. This has unlimited range... though the flumph must still target the correct square. Victims get a DC 4955 Reflex save for half, and the saving throw is Charisma based.

Master Immunities : The master flumph is immune to acid, cold, electric, fire, and sonic damage, to ability damage, ability drain, death effects, energy drain, exhaustion, fatigue, fear, mind-affecting effects, nausea, petrification, polymorph, sickened, and death by massive damage.

Nauseating Spray : As a standard action the master flumph can release a 2 mile line of noxious liquid once every 1d4 rounds. Creatures struck must make a Fortitude save (DC 5055) or be nauseated for 1 year. On a successful save, you are merely sickened for 1 week. The oder from this spray lingers in the affected area (and on any creature hit) for 1 day and can be detected within 100 feet.

Regeneration : No form of attack deals lethal damage to the master flumph. The master flumph regenerates even if it fails a saving throw against a disintegrate spell or a death effect. If the master flumph fails its save against a spell or effect that would kill it instantly (such as those mentioned above), the spell or effect instead deals nonlethal damage equal to the creature’s full normal hit points +10 (or 620,879 hp). The master flumph is immune to effects that produce incurable or bleeding wounds, such as mummy rot, a sword with the wounding special ability, or a clay golem’s cursed wound ability.

The master flumph can be slain only by raising its nonlethal damage total to its full normal hit points +10 (or 620,879 hit points) and using a wish or miracle spell to keep it dead.

If the master flumph loses a limb or body part, the lost portion regrows in 1d6 minutes (the detached piece dies and decays normally). The creature can reattach the severed member instantly by holding it to the stump.

Soft Body : The master flumph makes an excellent pillow, negating the fall damage of any who land upon it. Unfortunately, this is followed by death by enraged flumph. Even so, the softness renders it immune to bludgeoning damage.

Spell-Like Abilities : At will- detect evil, plane shift (self only), teleport. Saving throws are Charisma based.

Zone of Horrible Rape : Refered to as the "horrible rape radius", any creature within 1 mile of a hostile master flumph is subjected to horrible tentacle-assisted death out of rifts in space and time. The master flumph automatically deals 100 points of epic bludgeoning damage to any creature in the area each round, no save.