Darwin Monkey (3.5e Monster)

"Bert...I don't think we shoulda ate those pine cones..."

"Why not? It's all we've got."

"I'm seein' monkeys Bert. Big monkeys with old man faces..."

"We see you too shitkicker. Get off our land!"

"Ha! They remind me of paw! Wait, howcum I can see your hallucinations..."

Darwin Monkeys are named after an old sage (presumably their discoverer or creator). Most resemble brown or black furred monkeys of unusual stature, with no tails, and the head of a bearded old man. Disconcerting to see peering at you from the darkness when you wake in the middle of the night to say the least. Darwin Monkeys speak Common and 4 languages from other nearby races.

Combat
Darwin Monkeys prefer to hide rather than fight (though their acerbic wit tends to start fights when they're around rather often). Sometimes when the Fury overtakes them they do put up a rather nasty slapping demonstration.

Fury: Darwin monkeys are slightly unstable, and once they are hurt in combat they become Furious for the rest of the encounter (after which they are exhausted for 1d4 rounds). While they are furious anyone successfully struck by their Slap attack must make a DC 11 Fortitude Save (Save DC is Strength Based) or be Stunned 1 round. They also gain a +2 Bonus to Strength for the duration of their Fury.

Sagely Advice: Darwin Monkeys effectively have the Bardic Knowledge ability (see page 28 of the PHB), substituting their Hit Dice for Bard Level.

Stubborn Disbelief: Darwin Monkeys do not believe in Gods, and have a +2 Bonus on all Saves against Divine Magic.

Skills: Darwin Monkeys have a +8 Racial Bonus to all Climb Checks and all Knowledge Checks.

Familiar
The Darwin Monkey may be chosen as a Familiar using the Improved Familiar Feat at 5th level by a neutral caster.