Jester Jokes (3.5e Other)

=Jokes=

Have you ever needed a joke to add flavor you a court jester, street performer, amusing child or eccentric fellow. Here shall be a place to find them.

Feel free to add your own.

Joke 1

Q: What kind of monster brings you chocolates and flowers before it eats you?

A: A Romanticore.

Joke 2

Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs laying in front of a door?

A: Matt

Joke 3

Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating in a lake?

A: Bob

Joke 4

Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs sitting in a hole?

A: Phil

Joke 5

Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs hanging on the wall?

A: Art

Joke 6

Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs carried by a knight?

A: Lance

Joke 7

Q: Why do dwarves have such big nostrils?

A: Because they have big fingers.

Joke 8

A horse walks into a bar and yells "Hey!".

Joke 9

Three dragons walk into a bar... there were no survivors.

Joke 10

Two humans walk into a bar, the halfling walks under it.

Joke 11

An ogre walks into a bar with flint and steel. The bartender lets him in but says, "Don't start anything".

Joke 12

Q: What do you call a dog with no legs?

A: It doesn't matter what you call him, he's not gonna come.

Joke 13

So, a poor old farmer pleads to his sheriff. "Sheriff, has there been any news of my lost cows?" To which the Sheriff replies "Nobody's herd!"

=Bad Jokes=

For the jesters that aren't really that funny.

Bad Joke 1

A barbarian, a rogue and a wizard are sitting in a sinking boat. The rogue is hiding so the barbarian throws the wizard overboard.

Bad Joke 2

A barbarian, a rogue and a wizard are sitting in a sinking boat. The rogue is hiding and the wizard teleports away, so the barbarian jumps overboard himself.

Bad Joke 3

A group of adventurers is trying to extract information from a farmer. They finally give up and begin to walk away. Suddenly the wizard says, "I bet the pig could tell us what we need to know". The rogue then says, "Yea, I bet the barbarian could talk to it too, they have the same intelligence."

=Pickup Lines=

Because hey, they happen a lot in bars.

Pickup Line 1

"Is that a rod of lordly might in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"

Pickup Line 2

"Maybe it's just your charm spell, but your hotness is overcoming my fire resistance."

Pickup Line 3

"Are you a wizard? Because I was just enchanted."

Pickup Line 4

"Is that your new spell, Stunning Jugs, or is it all natural?"

Pickup Line 5

"Do you want to find out how to soften my Immovable Rod?"

=Riddles=

They're riddles okay.

Riddle 1

Q: A man was once adventuring through a forest when he was captured by a barbaric tribe. As punishment for trespassing he had to choose his death and the tribes shaman told him "if you say a false statement you will be thrown off a cliff and if you say a true statement you will be eaten by dire lions" the man had to outwit the tribe but how?

A: There are three answers depending on how the people who got told the riddle respond.

If they get it wrong: The man says he will be thrown of a cliff, now if the chieftain throws him of the cliff it will be a true statement so he should be fed to lions but then it becomes a false statemnet so he should be thrown of a cliff which is then a true statement and this keeps looping but since the man outwitted the chieftain he is free to go.

If they say the above answer: The man outwitted the chieftain through the above example and since the chieftain hates to lose he bashed the skull of the man, killing him.

The chieftain may also decide to throw the man off of a cliff and then feed him to dire lions.