Pity Sponge (3.5e Class)

Pity Sponge
A favorite of comedies and romances everywhere, Pity Sponges fail at even the most basic of tasks, yet are incredibly skilled at getting people to cheer them on. Even the most dull and hardened warrior will pity them and cut them some slack, compensating for their weaknesses by sparing them.

Making a Pity Sponge
Pity Sponges are good in situations where they are around creatures or people who are capable of holding compassion for them. They can help to balance out the outlandishness or hostile manner of their teammates by winning over the hearts of everyone they encounter. In more hostile environments, they tend to play a minor role in the party. It is important to remember that the Pity Sponge's class features are more effective when the Pity Sponge appears weak when choosing skills and feats for the Pity Sponge.

Abilities: Constitution is the most important attribute of this class, since many of their stunts require them to get hurt.

Races: Any race can play a Pity Sponge, although the low density of aggressive features means that races with natural weapons or spells combine well. Proud races such as elves are unlikely to be willing to be Pity Sponges, although there are exceptions.

Alignment: Any Non-Evil

Starting Gold: 3d4&times;20 gp (150 gp).

Starting Age: Simple.

Class Features
All of the following are class features of the Pity Sponge.

Weapon and Armor Proficiency: Proficient in simple weapons and light and medium armor.

 : Starting at 1st level, the Pity Sponge may opt to fail any skill checks. At level 3, this extends to saves, and at level 5, the Pity Sponge may opt to fail any to-hit roll. At level 7, the Pity Sponge may use Fumble for any check.

 : Starting at 1st level, any minute during which the Pity Sponge fails every check, save, and attack roll, creatures with Int 6 or more within 10 feet must make a Will save or become one category more friendly towards the Pity Sponge. The DC is equal to 3 + the Pity Sponge's class level. At 3rd level, and every additional three levels beyond that, the radius increases by 10 feet. This cannot cause a creature's attitude to be more positive than Friendly towards the Pity Sponge.

 : Starting at 1st level, the Pity Sponge cannot lie. Anyone who speaks with a Pity Sponge for at least 1 minute becomes certain of this.

 : Starting at 1st level, whenever a creature beats the Pity Sponge in an opposed skill check, they automatically become flat-footed and get -2 Insight penalty to their Wisdom and Intelligence scores for one minute. This does not apply to opposed skill checks not made voluntarily by the creature.

 : Starting at 2nd level, the Pity Sponge is immune to fear.

 : Starting at 3rd level, whenever the Pity Sponge fails his save against a mind-affecting spell-like ability or spell, he may replicate the effect against the caster, with the same save DC that the spell was cast with.

 : Starting at 4th level, the Pity Sponge's incompetence begins to manifest itself in his speech, causing him to make errors which others find cute. This gives him a +2 bonus to Diplomacy, Sense Motive, and Gather Information.

 : Starting at 5th level, up to once per day, if the Pity Sponge would die, he may make depressingly anticlimactic last words which impel a random deity into saving him. The method by which he is saved is the least expensive way that the deity believes will be successful.

 : Starting at 5th level, whenever the Pity Sponge misses with an attack, allies with line of sight to both the Pity Sponge and the target of the attack get a +3 Morale bonus to hit that target with attacks until the Pity Sponge's next turn.

 : Starting at 6th level, the Pity Sponge gets a cumulative +1 bonus for each time he has previously attempted a skill check when he retries skill checks. This bonus cannot exceed his class level, and ends when he passes the check.

 : Starting at 7th level, while the Pity Sponge is flat-footed, he gets a +4 Sacred bonus to his AC.

 : Starting at 8th level, the Pity Sponge becomes so used to getting beaten up or poisoned that he gains fast healing 1.

 : Starting at 10th level, while the Pity Sponge is at 10 hp or less, creatures that try to attack them must first pass a Will save with a DC equal to the Pity Sponge's class level + 10 - The Pity Sponge's current hp. If they fail the save, they don't make the attack (but still use up the same action thinking about how miserable the Pity Sponge is.)

Halfling Pity Sponge Starting Package
Weapons: Short bow.

Skill Selection:

Feat: Improvised Combatant.

Gear: Chain mail, rations, torch, playing cards, teddy bear.

Gold: 150 gp.