Difference between revisions of "User talk:Ghostwheel/Iron Heart Surge"
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Latest revision as of 23:41, 24 May 2022
Suggestions[edit]
Your wording could be a lot more clear. It’s great that you’re wanting to put limits on this, but right now it’s kinda hard to follow. Here are some suggestions:
You start the description with some flavor, that’s cool. However, after your flavor paragraph, you start the next paragraph with more flavor. I think it would be better practice to delete that second bit of flavor or move it to the first paragraph.
You’re describing the limitations and specifics of this maneuver before you say what it actually does. This could be a lot better if your first bit of crunch text began with something like “When you initiate this maneuver, any effect or condition currently affecting you ends immediately.” THEN go into the specifics about what sorts of effects and conditions you can actually choose, as well as if it only ends for you or if it straight up just ends, etc.
Does that make sense? Sorry if I’m out of my league here. MadmanFromSpace (talk) 15:58, 22 July 2018 (MDT)
