Talk:Jennaerik (3.5e Race)

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RatedDislike.png Eiji-kun dislikes this article and rated it 1 of 4.
Augh, what am I looking at here?

Racial HD: None <- Why is this here?

Breath Weapon: A Jennaerik may use a line of lightning breath weapon 2/day. <- What damage? It's driving me mad!

She is looking none too pretty captain.

Generic, Indeed

This is probably going to come across as a bit harsh... and rambling. I'll start from the standpoint assuming that you're new at this and probably are having some problems. For starters, it's never a good idea to just write and post something as a finished product as you go. You'll end up with a poorly concepted article a vast majority of the time. I'm not really sure what else to say about the race in general. There's not really anything to it. You should really write out description in sentence structure form, being as descriptive and flavorful as possible. A list of average traits isn't all that fun without some context flavor. It makes mention of a few things that might be interesting, but aren't explained or fleshed-out at all (sand wyrms and their relation to them, for example). Also, you really need to fill out the racial traits. Why is Darkvision gimped down to 50 feet (when typical basic darkvision is 60)? Why an ECL of 3? Where are their racial HD? Why are they described as short-lived when they clearly live longer than humans? Unless that's some weird typo on their maximum age, because currently it reads as something like "eighty more years than their fifty year venerable category entry".

So, go back to the start, concept what you want the race to do. Figure out some fun racial stuff that allows them to do that. Write down a bunch of ideas in a big list on a text document or something, then take those ideas and flesh them out into sentences and paragraphs for use in your descriptions for the race.

If you're having problems with formatting or need a sounding board for ideas, there are lots of people around to help with stuff like that, so just ask. Let's see what you can do with this.

Also, for the Incomplete Template. If you think you want more than a week to finish it, you can always move it to a user sub-page sandbox for your construction at your leisure. --Ganteka Future 19:53, 27 October 2011 (UTC)

Responding to Generic Indeed[edit]

Not harsh at all! This actually was my first race for this version! Thanks for the healthy criticism - I'll get right on the editing.

A fellow player, dungeon master, realm maker, etc etc, |Dungeonmaster557