Food (3.5e Monster)
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|Hit Dice:||3d8+12 (25 hp)|
|Armor Class:||16 (+6 luck), touch 16, flat-footed 16|
|Attack:||Slam +4 melee (1d8+3, 20/x2)|
|Full Attack:||Slam +4 melee (1d8+3, 20/x2)|
|Space/Reach:||2 1/2 ft/5 ft|
|Special Qualities:||Darkvision 60 ft, Delicious, Escape, Lucky|
|Saves:||Fort +6, Ref +3, Will +2|
|Abilities:||Str 15, Dex 10, Con 17, Int 2, Wis 13, Cha 4|
|Skills:||Escape Artist +8, Listen +7, Spot +5|
|Environment:||Dungeons, Castle Walls, and Trash Cans|
|Organization:||Solitary or Feast (5-8)|
|Alignment:||Always True Neutral|
|Advancement:||4-5 HD (Small)|
You find a roast turkey in the wall. Yum.
A strange "creature", the entity only known as "Food" appears as a large chunk of cooked meat, typically a roast turkey or other substance, with a set of crab legs for locomotion and no means of seeing, feeding, or otherwise existing as an actual living thing. That's fine though because food has stats and hp, so it makes sense. Wizards probably did it.
They are very rare to find but often lucky discoveries. They tend to make their homes in cans or within the walls of spooky castles, and if you catch one by surprise you could eat it. Turns out food is delicious (excluding its legs), if difficult to catch. Curiously no animals have ever shown interest in eating "Food", alive or dead. They seem only to be preyed upon by humanoids with questionable eating habits.
Food does not like to fight and will often Escape as soon as possible, but they are capable fighters when cornered.
Delicious (Ex): Food is unattractive as a meal to most living beings, but humanoids find it delicious. The taste is difficult to describe, though often resembling the meats they appear to be as. Curiously it may be consumed "raw" as they are pre-cooked and still warm, and more bizarrely seem to lack any sort of functional organs other than delicious meats and spices.
Escape (Ex): As a full round action food can escape, moving 10x its normal move speed without provoking attacks of opportunity and ignoring all difficult terrain or any effect which would slow it down. It typically escapes on the first round, so one must beat it in initiative and take it out immediately.
Ferocity (Ex): A food is such a tenacious combatant that it continues to fight without penalty even while disabled or dying.
Lucky (Ex): For some reason food has a natural +6 luck bonus to AC.
Skills: Food has a +8 racial bonus to Escape Artist checks.